Healing Emotional Wounds

We are all familiar with pain. Physical pain is a common experience. It is easy to define and describe. But all pain isn’t physical. There is mental or emotional pain that we all endure at times as a result of sin and the curse.

There are at least six different sources of emotional pain.

• Painful decisions

• Painful financial distress

• Painful health worries

• Painful personal losses

• Painful relationship issues

• Painful sins

Many dear saints struggle with pain – not always a physical hurt, but the mental anguish that comes from guilt, shame, regret, breakdown of relationships, mental wounds inflicted years ago, etc. These can come from many places: stress on the job, trouble in the home; sins of the past, etc. These lead to three primary painful emotional states: 1) Lack of self-worth; 2) Loneliness; and 3) Spiritual emptiness.

These emotional states can rob you of the joy of the Lord. They can steal the peace that Jesus gives. They can cause you to live below your privileges as a child of God. Because as a blood-bought, Spirit-filled child of the Lord, you are entitled to the peace of Jesus Christ.

First, lack of self-worth. The vicissitudes of life can leave a person emotionallywounded. They can feel unloved, unworthy, and unable to succeed. Guilt over past shortcomings or hurts can be a stumbling-block to emotional health today. It can rob you of the joy of the Lord and the peace that Jesus gives.

Second, loneliness. This is a feeling of being all alone. This is because of poor relationships with others. People in this condition imagine that others don’t want to get close to them, or that they are unworthy of close relationships. In reality, loneliness is a choice; but people in this condition blame others for their emotional pain.

Third, there is resultant spiritual emptiness. If you cannot feel close to others, often there is accompanying lack of intimacy with God. Deep within each human is an inner emptiness that can be filled only by a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

Emotional distress affects your entire outlook on life. Its symptoms can ruin your life. Some symptoms of emotional distress include:

• feeling overwhelmed, helpless, or hopeless • feeling guilty without a clear cause • spending a lot of time worrying • having difficulty thinking or remembering • sleeping too much or too little • having changes in appetite • relying more heavily on moodaltering substances, such as alcohol • isolating from people or activities • experiencing unusual anger or irritability • experiencing fatigue • having difficulty keeping up with daily tasks • experiencing new, unexplained physical pain

Frequently, these come because of some bad decisions in life. The mistakes and bad choices of yesterday wound us still today.

Sometimes the church spends so much time telling people, “Don’t make bad decisions,” that we fail to help those who are feeling anguish over the bad decisions they’ve already made. Sermons counsel against making bad choices, but we also need to minister to those who have already made bad choices and are suffering anguish as a result. And we need to minister to those whom others have wounded through abuse, neglect, gossip, character assassination, and such.

But the church of Jesus Christ is a spiritual hospital. In Christ, there is healing from guilt and remorse. The church may not have the power to heal every physical disease, but it can point you to a loving Savior who absolutely will heal your emotional pain. In Matthew 11:28, Jesus promised rest to everyone who comes to Him with heavy burdens of guilt, remorse, regret and other emotional pains.

There is no doubt whatsoever that Jesus can eliminate your emotional pain, if you call on Him for help and do what He asks you to do. That healing is much more important than healing from natural diseases.

Everyone is vulnerable to an overwhelming feeling of guilt that comes flooding over you, and makes you feel like turning into a hermit and going somewhere safe far away. And this is exactly what the devil desires, because he’s the one who is manipulating the situation. But there are some things that we need to know about Satan: he’s a murderer, liar, and the father of all lies. See John 8:44.

But while it’s true that he is our accuser, he really doesn’t have to reach very far to find something to accuse us of, because we all stand guilty before God. The Bible says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” that is, we all fall short of God’s holy and righteous standards for life. Romans 3:23. The Bible also says, “There is none righteous, no, not one.” Romans 3:10.

Guilt stems from a failure on our part to meet certain standards of behavior. Shame, on the other hand, is personal. It’s a failure to meet our own standards. You feel guilty about what you’ve done – lied, stolen, etc. Shame is about who we are. We feel guilt because we told a lie (did something bad); but we feel shame because we are a liar (are something bad).

The weight of guilt and shame is often quite heavy, often too heavy for us to bear and it stops us from living the life God has purposed for us. Guilt and shame are the painful emotions people experience when they believe their actions, whether real or imagined, have violated a moral or personal standard.

Sometimes it goes back to our early childhood - believing that somehow, we didn’t live up to our parents’ expectations, or we did something wrong, or someone did something wrong to us. So, we live with these perpetual feelings of guilt and shame.

This painful guilt and shame, does not mean Holy Ghost conviction; the conviction that leads to repentance for the sins we’ve done. Because that guilt gets washed away and replaced with the joyous peace that comes from knowing our sins have been forgiven. Romans 4:7-8: “Saying, Blessed are they whose iniquities are forgiven, and whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord will not impute sin. (Quoting Psalm 32.)” Rather, we refer here to the guilt and shame of our past conduct, the emotional hurts we’ve received, and the accusations of the devil.

Revelation 12:10 calls the devil, “the accuser of our brethren.” He not only accuses before God; he constantly accuses us to our own minds. He plants the false idea that God will never forgive us. It’s the belief that our sin is far too great. Basically, it’s a failure to believe God’s Word and the forgiveness He offers through His Son, Jesus Christ.

But once God forgives, it’s forgotten, and never will it be brought up again. Psalms 103:12 assures us, “As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.” We know how far it is from the north to the south; the North Pole is 12,436.81 miles from the South Pole. But how far is the east from the west? It is an infinite distance!

The blood of Jesus doesn’t just cover up our sins, it washes them away – and they are gone! When referring to heinous sins, Paul wrote: “And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.” I Corinthians 6:11. And Revelation 1:5 says, “Jesus Christ…loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood.”

Now, you either believe God or you don’t. I suggest you believe Him. He cannot lie. Titus 1:2; Numbers 23:19. His Word positively asserts: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I John 1:9. Jesus paid our debt so that we can be forgiven and released from the guilt that it causes.

Sometimes, we think, “I’ve done too much; I can’t be forgiven, I can’t even forgive myself.” But that isn’t true. Jesus explained the forgiveness of sins in a parable in Matthew 18. In verses 23-26, He spoke of a man who owed a debt of 10,000 talents. But that debt was freely forgiven.

That was an overwhelmingly massive debt. There was no way that debt could be paid. The debt was 10,000 talents. One talent was equal to 6000 denarii. One denarius was a day’s wages in that time. So 10,000 talents would be the wages for 60 million working days, or 250,000 working years. What’s a good annual salary now – $40,000? $50,000? 50,000 dollars per year, over 250,000 working years, is some 12 trillion, 500 billion dollars.

It was an enormously unimaginable debt. And yet, it was freely forgiven. Our debt of sin was enormous, too. It is beyond our ability to comprehend. And yet our Lord freely forgave us. If He can forgive a debt that big; He can forgive you of whatever is in your past.

Jesus’ last word from the cross is recorded in John 19:30. Most English translations render it “It is finished.” But the Greek word is “Telestai (ta-tel esti – or - ta tel est ahee).” It could also be translated as “paid in full.” Jesus paid our enormous debt in full. And His payment freed us from the penalty of sin. Since out debt was paid in full, we have no reason to live in shame, or guilt, or remorse, or bitterness.

The Apostle Paul wrote of what the Lord has done in Colossians 2:13-14: “And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses; Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross.”

That “handwriting of ordinances” that was against us was God’s law – written by His own finger on two tablets of stone. But Paul may have had a second reference in mind. The Colossian church readers would have also understood the allusion to a Roman prison sentence. In those days they had debtor’s prisons, like the man who owed 10,000 talents was threatened with. If you couldn’t pay your debt, you went to prison until someone paid it.

The amount of debt was written on the certificate and nailed to the door of the prison cell. Once the debt was paid, the certificate was stamped, “tetelestai” or “paid in full.” The prisoner went free and took the stamped certificate as proof of paying his debt.

Jesus took the certificate of debt for all people, of all time, listing all our sin, which required the punishment of death, and nailed it, not to the door of our prison, but to His cross, declaring “tetelestai,” “paid in full!”

The problem comes when we try to shortcut God’s forgiveness by mistakenly thinking we have to forgive ourselves. The problem, however, is that we can’t forgive ourselves. The power to forgive ourselves doesn’t lie within us. There is no place in God’s Word where it states that we can forgive our sins.

Guilt can only be relieved when we believe and receive God’s forgiveness. If guilt still persists, it’s not because we haven’t forgiven ourselves, it’s because we have failed to truly accept God’s forgiveness. The good news is that God wants to heal your wounds.

Steps to Biblical Healing

There are six basic steps to achieving true healing from emotional pain.

1. Admit You are Wounded

No physical wound or disease can be properly treated until you diagnose it. Medical providers diagnose a condition based on signs and symptoms. Do you have the symptoms mentioned above? You will never be healed if you deny you are hurt.

Jesus said, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30. If you don’t realize and admit that you are heavy laden, you will not come to the One who can heal. Only those who recognize their heavy load will find rest for their souls.

2. Forgive Those Who Have Wounded You

The only route to healing goes directly through forgiveness. You must release the people who have hurt you. You cannot get well as long as you have resentment in your heart. For your own sake, you must give up the right to get even. You can get well, or you can get even, but you can’t have both. Even if you get even, you will find that it doesn’t make the pain you feel go away.

Forgiveness is the only way to get emotionally healthy. You don’t forgive them because they deserve it. No one deserves it. Not you or anyone. None of us deserves God’s forgiveness, but He gives it. Forgiveness has nothing to do with fairness or being deserved. It’s given as a gift. You forgive because you want to move on with your life.

Forgiveness is our Christian duty. “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:14-15. “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32.

Forgiveness is hard. Hebrews 12:2 says to look unto Jesus, who endured the cross. What did He endure? They beat Him almost to death. Then they hung Him on an incredibly painful cross. He was deeply wounded. His deepest wounds were not his physical wounds, but his spiritual and emotional wounds. He was wounded by betrayal, rejection, hatred, humiliation, prejudice, wounds of taking the world’s sin on himself, the wounds of guilt and shame that was ours.

If you have ever experienced any of these, Jesus says, “I’ve been there…” He experienced it all. Peter wrote of Him: “Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously.” I Peter 2:23.

So why should you forgive others?

• You have been forgiven by God.

• You will need more forgiveness in the future and you do not want to burn bridges you may have to walk back across.

• Unforgiveness does not work. You are only hurting yourself with resentment. You are allowing people from your past to continue to control you and hurt you.

It seems a universal law - what you resent, oftentimes you eventually resemble. Abused people tend to become abusers; hurt people tend to hurt others. We move towards what we focus on. When you see a TV show you don’t like, you change the channel. Change the channel in your mind. Stop focusing on the past and release those who have hurt you.

3. Ask God to Heal Your Memories

Healing isn’t complete at forgiving the person who hurt you. You can still be plagued with the bad memories. You need to lose those painful memories. Sometimes we just need a good, oldfashioned, Holy Ghost brainwashing. It is real; It can happen.

Romans 12:2 says to “be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.” The Lord can heal all the memories of hurt, rejection, of sin, of guilt, and of shame. Our forward progress includes some “forgetting those things which are behind.” Philippians 3:13. Paul decided to forget past failures, past hurts, past guilt and shame. We need the Lord’s help to forget some of the painful memories, but He can do that for us.

When Joseph was lifted up in Egypt, and was next to Pharoah, he said in Genesis 41:51 that God had made him to forget all his toil and the suffering he endured as a child. Ask Him! The Lord is gracious and giving. He delights to see His children grow in grace. He is willing to help.

4. Fill Your Heart and Mind with God’s Word

If we don’t put new things in our minds, we’ll continue to focus on the old things. And some of those old things are our shame and guilt, and the memories of the hurts we received in the past. Daily Bible reading is essential to push out some old junk from our minds and fill it with worthwhile material.

Most people watch TV for hours, but won’t spend 10 minutes a day in God’s Word. His Word assures you He loves you. It assures you that you have been made worthy by His blood. It assures you that your sins are washed away. It assures you of eternal glory. It is, indeed, blessed assurance. “Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.” Psalms 119:165.

5. Focus on the Future

Refocusing on the future means you stop living in the past. Yes, you have to deal with the past, but then you have to readjust your focus from the past, which you cannot change, to look at a better future.

It seems that some people take a perverse pleasure in nursing the hurts of the past. They don’t want to give them up. They constantly bring up painful memories. Why? Because it gives them a chance to be bitter and angry at those who’ve hurt them. They want to be angry, or hurt, because it reminds them that what happened wasn’t their own fault – there is someone else to blame.

But there can never be healing if you don’t move on. You must look forward instead of backwards. In John 5, Jesus came to a man who had been lame for 38 years. He lay by the Pool of Bethesda, waiting for the angel to trouble the water, but never quite made it in the healing pool in time. In John 5:6. Jesus asked him, “Wilt thou be made whole?” (Living Bible: “Would you like to get well?”)

It seems like a silly question. Of course he wanted to get well – or did he? Sometimes we need to ask ourselves that question about our emotional wounds – do we really want to get well? Are we willing to give up the anger, the resentment, the

Bbitterness, and move on with our lives? Are we willing to take down the emotional barriers that have walled us off from others? Are we willing to come out of our self-imposed isolation? Are we really ready to put some things behind us?

Some refuse to take down those emotional walls. They built them to protect their ego. They are determined to never be hurt again, so they won’t let anyone get close to them. But there can be no healing as long as those barricades are held in place. Growing in Christ requires that you take them down.

Keep reminding yourself of this wonderful fact: your past is not your future…it doesn’t matter what you have done. In Christ, your past is not your future. The chains of yesterday have been broken. The course you were on has been altered irrevocably by Jesus Christ. Your past does not control your future!

6. Reach out to Help Others

Redeem your pain. Don’t waste your experiences. Use them to help someone else who has struggled with emotional pain. You don’t have to tell them all the details of your emotional trauma; but the fact that you know the Lord healed you means you know He can heal that other person.

You can lift up hands that hang down and strengthen feeble knees. Hebrews 12:12. We are admonished in Galatians 6:2 to “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” You are not the only person ever to be emotionally wounded. It is a universal experience. Satan’s battle is fought in our minds – in all our minds. Some are more damaged than others, but all have had mental trauma.

You are a survivor. Your experience can provide hope to someone else. You don’t have to confess your sins or how you were hurt, but the mere fact that the Lord helped you up and out of a dark valley means you can encourage others. A support group is important for anyone dealing with their own mental pain. You can be a valuable part of someone’s support group.

Conclusion

As a redeemed child of God, you are entitled to peace. Jesus said: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:27. You are entitled to that peace. You can have it today.

If you have been despondent or depressed, if you have carried guilt or shame, if you have resentment and anger over past wounds, come to Jesus. Lay down your heavy load. He absolutely will give you rest for your soul.