IT’S A FACT OF LIFE: everyone gets hurt – physically and emotionally. We live in a vicious, wicked, spiteful world. Every heart gets wounded. Sometimes even close friends and family break our hearts. In fact that’s who can hurt our spirits. Remember that: your enemies cannot hurt you; only your friends can really inflict serious wounds to your spirit. You expect it from your enemies; but the real, deep wounds come from those you trust not to hurt you. When those offenses come, they can wound your spirit.
Proverbs 18:14 asks who can carry a wounded spirit? This verse tells us that a wounded spirit is worse than a physical wound or illness. A wounded spirit is an injury to the soul – the intellect, sensibilities or the will. It is an unseen injury – the only way others know is by the way a person behaves. But like all wounds, the greater and more severe it is, the greater the negative impact on the person’s life. Proverbs 17:22 says a broken spirit drieth the bones. (The same Hebrew word – naw-kay for a wounded spirit in Proverbs 18 is translated as a broken spirit in Proverbs 17.)
A wound in your spirit can be terminal – it can destroy your spiritual life. And it can be contagious – those with wounded spirits often wound others. But there is healing power with the Lord. It is important to find the healing balm of Gilead, and complete restoration of peace and contentment to the redeemed soul of a child of God.
At a recent ministers’ meeting, Bro. Gary Wright said, “A wound, if left unresolved, leads to resentment; resentment, if left unresolved, leads to bitterness; bitterness, if left unresolved, leads to anger; and anger, if left unresolved, leads to hatred.” But resolution, at any stage, leads to peace. He also listed six evidences of unresolved hurts:
1. Develop a critical spirit – takes the focus off self by blaming others. 2. Desire for revenge – seeking satisfaction; payback 3. Striking out at people – can strike out verbally, or even by giving them the cold shoulder 4. Trying to kill someone’s influence 5. Mistrust of others – when you don’t trust anyone 6. An accusing spirit – always pointing out the wrong of others
When the mind is at peace; when the human spirit is strong; infirmities can be borne. But when the spirit is no longer healthy and strong, people look for others to blame for their real or imagined troubles. A wounded spirit can easily become an accusing spirit. That is why we have been praying for those who have a wounded spirit, and why we need to be careful that our spirit never gets wounded. If it does, then we need to find the way to healing.
Sadly, many children of God carry a load that the Lord does not require of them. They walk through life bowed over, not by the weight of sin, nor the burden of the Lord, but stooped beneath a load of resentment, bitterness, anger and maybe even hatred. They were hurt by some event or series of events in the past, and remain wounded for months, years, or even decades. This produces a two-fold wound: they were hurt when the event happened, but by carrying the resentment and bitterness, they are still being hurt now. There is a past hurt and a present hurting.
Nobody enjoys pain, whether it be physical or emotional pain. We have trouble accepting the fact that sometimes pain is good for us. Emotional pain can be beneficial – if we allow it to mellow and improve our spirit rather than merely embittering it. Proverbs 27:6 tells us that a friend’s wounds are faithful. Sometimes the wounds to our spirit are severe and grievous, but if you remember they came from a friend, probably without malicious intent, then you can take that pain and use it for your good. Even if it was intentional and malicious, there is still a grand purpose in your wounding.
Some may ask, “Isn’t it bad when there is mental stress, uncertainty, untamed anger, remorse, and other mental distress?” No; it is part of the process you need to make you ready to inherit eternal life. God gave you the experience that caused the mental trauma. Maybe you didn’t handle it well, but you needed the experience. You may not understand why, you may never understand why, but God gave it to you.
We don’t always understand the process of taking up our cross, of dying to ourselves, of suffering for our faults and for Christ; but it is part of the process to prepare us for life after this short walk through the valley of the shadow of death. The Bible tells us that our fiery trials are for a purpose. I Peter 4:12-13. Don’t be surprised, or think it strange that suffering occurs. Though the emotional wounds may be sharp and fiery, they are designed only to try and purify us. They are never to ruin us. Rather, they prepare us to share in His glory. That is, if we respond right.
Getting hurt is unavoidable; we have little control over that. But we do have complete control over our response to life’s hurts and emotional wounds. Perhaps, in learning to get over the hurts of life, we should start by remembering that we, too, have hurt people we love. James 3:2 says we all offend sometimes. Hopefully it’s without malice, but we all offend at times. But as we grow in Christ, we should become sweeter, calmer, and less offensive in our dealings with others.
So, when we get hurt, recall that everyone offends sometimes, and we cannot expect perfection in others when we fall so short so often. And then we need to not let the wounds go so deep that they cannot be healed. As Jesus said, “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.” John 8:7.
Part of our role as sincere disciples of Jesus Christ is to learn to overcome our own weaknesses, our faults, our hurts, and our shortcomings. This progressive work of sanctification in our lives includes learning to overcome offenses and healing our wounded spirits. When you are offended, instead of focusing on your wounded spirit, first consider the offender. Was the offense unintentional? Was that brother or sister malicious, or just clueless or tactless? Maybe they were trying to be helpful. You need to forgive them either way, but it is probably easier to forgive someone who was not malicious in their wounding. We read in Hebrews 5:2 that the Lord has compassion on the ignorant; maybe we should, too.
But even if the wound was inflicted maliciously, remember that the Bible gives us no other option than to forgive. Forgiveness is the most noble, the most righteous, the most elegant, the most refined and the most Godlike act a human being can perform. Refusing to forgive an offender is a selfinflicted wound; which if left untreated, is always fatal.
Next, analyze yourself. Why does this bother you? Is it really that important? Don’t take yourself so seriously! How important is this, really, in the great scheme of things? I Corinthians 13:47 admonishes us to learn to overlook the offense, and to love the offender. Your response to an offence is your deliberate choice. You can choose to be offended, or you can choose to overlook and love. Really, for a follower of Jesus Christ, there is only one right choice. Releasing the offender will actually do you more spiritual good than it will that person.
Forgiveness is the Key
Forgiveness is the key to removing the hurts from our lives. We can rise up above our resentfulness and our bitterness and forgive those who have hurt us. Forgiveness restores the present, redeems the future and recovers the past. This is not an option: Jesus commanded us to forgive. Luke 6:27-37. He forgave from the cross. Luke 23:34. Stephen forgave those who were killing him. Acts 7:60. We are to be like Christ; we are to forgive. As the Lord has forgiven our trespasses, we must forgive those who trespass against us. But often, forgiveness is a process and not a single act.
Forgiveness is more than overlooking a transgression, or just letting it pass. It has to come from deep within or it will not cleanse the heart from pain and bitterness. It is not enough to say you are going to overlook the offense, while still hurting inside. To heal, you have to make a deliberate decision to shed the heavy weight of animosity and truly and completely forgive. Jesus said in Matthew 18:35 to forgive “from the heart.”
For forgiveness to be real, it has to be forever. If you say you can forgive but you can’t forget, you haven’t really forgiven. There is a big difference between a begrudging overlooking of a slight or hurt, and true full and complete forgiveness “from the heart.” Agape thinketh no evil. I Corinthians 13:5. The Good News translation says: “Love does not keep a record of wrongs.” Some of us, when it comes to personal conflict, are like elephants – we never forget. But the Living Bible says love “does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.” All the evil has to be banished from your thoughts.
Let me make four important points about healing the wounds in our spirits.
1. Everyone Gets Hurt.
Perhaps this is obvious, but it needs to be restated. You are not alone. Your wounds may be unique; but the fact that you have been wounded is not. Others have been wounded just as bad as you have, and probably even worse, but they forgave and moved on – you can too.
2. Time Doesn’t Heal.
Physical wounds may heal with time; but emotional wounds do not. This is critical. Time only leaves an open wound or a scar. Open wounds continue to bleed and make way for infections. Emotional bleeding weakens you, and demonic infection can be lethal to your spiritual life.
3. Scars are not Healing.
This is very important! With physical wounds, the body sometimes forms scar tissue to stop the bleeding and keep our infection. But scar tissue is non-functioning. Cirrhosis, stroke, etc. are not healing. And scars can be disfiguring. Additionally, scars have no nerve endings, so they have no feeling – they are numb. Emotional scars are not healing either. The spirit doesn’t function as well, can be disfigured from the reflection of Christ, and numb to things we ought to be feeling.
4. Only Jesus Can Heal.
Jesus quoted Isaiah 61 in His first sermon. He came to bind up the brokenhearted. He still does! Isaiah 61:3 tells us what the Lord will do for those who are hurt. Forgiving the offender eliminates the hurt; but the Lord must heal your spirit. Medicines can eliminate a wounding infection, a surgeon can remove a bullet; but only the body can heal. Even so, we can let go of memories that hurt, but only God can heal our spirit.
The path to healing your own hurt is through forgiving the person who has hurt you. I respect the example of the families of the nine African-Americans who were gunned down last summer during a Bible study at the Emmanuel African Methodist Episcopalian Church in Charleston, South Carolina. Less than 48 hours after the racist killer, Dylann Roof, killed those Christians, the victim’s families were allowed to speak directly to him at his first court appearance.
The family members were honest about their grief and loss, but bestowed their forgiveness on Roof. It was an extraordinary moment. Instead of showing hatred, bitterness, and stirring up riots, these families showed godly restraint and forgiveness. The effects were immediate: within hours the Confederate flag came down from the state capitol building. What riots, boycotts and political attacks would have not accomplished, happened easily because of an amazing act of grace.
There’s more I’d like to say here, but time and space limits what can be said. In a separate article, we look at what the Word of God says about HOW TO forgive. But I’d like to let this rest here: with the concepts that forgiveness heals the hurts, that forgiveness is our only legitimate response to whatever wounds our spirit, and that forgiveness is an amazing testimony of the grace of God.